Brown Eyed Girl
In the beginning there were two beacons of brownness starring
right through him knowing every inch of his body and the composition of his soul. Dark brown eyes that engineered comfort
and confidence and commanded other influences filling his life with purpose. They were deep dark pools of liquid brown, always
recognizable, always watching, always there. Big brown eyes, not just any brown, but a dark fluid unable to reveal it’s true color. Deep,
dark, crisp, clean, liquid coffee brown; a brown so virile it must be spilled to
actually experience it’s rich, full body and pure soul. A color most would easily mistake for
black. Starring into the two orbs
of brown was calming and playful with a hint of the unknown. They created smiles, and had all he
needed to create a world.
They were never tiring and he never lost desire to gaze into them until
one day.
Glancing into the familiar pools of brown he saw something
unfamiliar. Before he knew what
happen, he was commanded to look into them and not look away. His eyes were locked into them and he
could feel himself leave his body.
With his eyes tired of the fix and faltering, he tried to look away. He was forced to look into them
again. He tried to regain himself,
but words brutally pelted his innocence.
Shame, guilt and confusion all tensed up around him. His world was shaking him to pieces. He wanted it to stop. Tears streamed his face. He wanted those other familiar eyes
back. His core had been accessed
torn out stunned and thrown back inside of him. He was being forced to stand up and look straight into
these new deep dark, scary, stinky eyes.
Little did he know this was only the beginning of a change that would
last forever? Never again would
those deep dark pools of wonderful brown look the same to him. The nurturing and comfort that they
always gave suddenly was lost. He
immediately felt different. He
missed them. He missed “those
eyes”, those loving him eyes. He wondered
if they missed him. He had his
first betrayal. Nothing would ever
be the same. He would never trust
again. Traces of “those eyes” would
be seen from time to time. And
just when he thought he might see them again, he was met disappointment. Instead of “those eyes”, he met stinky
ones commandeering another tongue-lashing, another thump and ear grabbed head
shaken made to stand stinky brown stare.
Years passed and those once never forgettable love filled brown
eyes were sighted less and less. Those deep dark brown eyes became fully feared
and dangerous. They always tried
to rule him when he glanced at them.
He could never stare into them for very long for that meant the hurting pelting
words would come, and come very loudly.
The pelting words eventually turned into leather lashes enraged and
fueled by less and less of what he could understand. He was told
that tears were not allowed. Tears
showed weakness. And so it went;
Pain and tears, then pain no tears, then pain hide the tears. And finally he would hide both
his tears and pain, while subconsciously the desire to find and recognize “those eyes” grew inside of him.
As he grew older, he would hunt for “those eyes” on the
faces of people he met without fully realizing he was searching. Unaware of what he was looking for, he
would see glimpses of them but the resemblance would fade away. He saw “those eyes” appear in his
children, only to disappear and not return. Searching, he
must answer himself, always the same inner monologue of criteria comparing each
pair of eyes to “those eyes”; all without understanding an unintentional process
was taking place. Another
pair of eyes, and another set of analyzing questions, leaning towards familiar
insight. He made choices,
commitments, and created compromised relationships. He subconsciously began to think he would never find “those
eyes” that he so loved ever again.
This tormenting search and his inner love hate turmoil must end. His quest for those brown eyes had to
be put to rest and that was just the way it must be.
One day, without searching and when he least expected it, there
they were. Those same two
pools of liquid coffee were staring right back at him. The same deep dark eyes of
understanding and power that had control over him for the first two decades of
his life, but this time they were worn on a different face. These eyes seemed even more powerful,
had more darkness, more mysterious, but every bit as brown. Mesmerized by them as they stared back
at him for hours on end saying not a word but conveying their desire and
amusement. “Those eyes” were
back. His heart raced and when he
walked he no longer pounded the earth, and, for the first time in many years he
felt lighter. In the
crevices of his mind the gates that concealed emotion began to open. Energy flowed out of his body. Caged pains knocked softly then opened
their doors and drifted silently away.
Overwhelmed with his discovery, he had forgotten the first
lesson “those eyes” had taught him
so many years ago; and, he began to trust again. Time past quickly and all was well, until the day came when
he happened to look up while hearing words resembling the pelting words. He caught a glimpse of something familiar that shook his core
once again. He saw a flash of deep,
dark, scary, stinky brown on this new face. It was a brown he knew all to well and a brown he both loved
and hated. The brown he searched
for in the eyes of every brown-eyed girl he encountered. In that instant, he transformed coolly
and silently. He realized whose
eyes he had searched and why. Instead
of allowing the old pain to steal its way back into his being, he calmly
greeted his recognizable fear with a new perception. He understood why he both hated and loved that deep
dark color of brown. “Those eyes”,
those brown eyes represented to him his own power and the weaknesses that he
had overcome.
Moral: When you
come across a beautiful brown-eyed girl who can stare into your soul giving you
butterflies, and turning you into a cloud walker; stop and beware as every
cloud has a stinky eye.
