Flying can be a bit of a stinker

Flying can be a bit of a stinker

By Carl Gillberg

I have flow many friendly skies on my quarterly trips to the Eastern Europe visiting my Russian/Ukrainian bride.   Meeting online in one of those Russian brides websites sucking dollars out of me with every keystroke.  I quickly dispensed with the website deciding this woman was definitely worth a formidable pursuit and arranged to Skype her! Sounds dastardly... to Skype someone?  She agrees to be skyped and we begin our online relationship.  After three months of daily communication desperately wanting to feel, touch, smell and confirm what we both felt from our online virtual relationship.  The only challenge was 10,000 miles, 20 hour plus of plane flights, the language barrier and money.  Shut the door now.  Despite what seemed like overwhelming hurdles, I decide I needed to see this through and readied myself for the challenge and thus one of my greatest adventures of my life.

I am dressed like what I think is casual Euro traveler.  Jeans, not new, not old, but just the right amount of wear.  A white collared button down dress shirt and brown jacket with boots.

International travel to the Ukraine does not require a visa; although, if you overstay your 90 days within 180 days, you are subject to fines and imprisonment.  Trust me, you do not want to overstay.  Ukraine prison is not anyplace you want to drive by let alone be incarcerated.  I purchase my ticket trying to be as frugal as possible and, and needless to say it is a colorful route.  Many flight options presented themselves.  One of the options is Aeroflot, which would take me through Moscow.  If you can read this,  Добро пожаловать в Москву, у нас понравится. you know it says, Welcome to Moscow, enjoy your visit.  Ninety nine percent of the signs, road signs, airport signs, etc  in Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, latfia, Moldova and any other former soviet republics are written in Cyrillic.  A different alphabet.

With the magic day almost upon me, I realize I am ill equipped in terms of luggage.  After some Internet research, I go to REI  with the idea if it feels as good as it looked and sounded per the Internet descriptions, I will purchase a new bag for my trip.  I haven’t purchased any new luggage for some time and my old assortment bags will not make the proper impression.  I like to travel light for ease of transfers and plane changes.   I only want a carry-on, one piece of luggage.  I was so delighted at the improvements to quality and engineering with luggage.  The new bag set me back $240.00 but worth every penny.  I chose “The Osprey”.  It is rugged, stylish, superb engineering, with ample room.  It has wheels, a retractable handle and a conspicuous green color for easy identification.  It fits easily into the overhead and is equipped with a zip off backpack.   The backpack does not count as an extra carry-on since it zips onto the front of the main bag.  The main bag is equipped with concealed shoulder straps making the main bag back packable if need be.  A great design and easily the nicest designed piece of luggage I have ever bought. 

The big day arrives.  It is the beginning of September, Fall is in the air.  It is my favorite time of year.  My ticket says United and I am to leave out of LAX and arrive in Kiev 17 hours or so later with three stops.  I buy the ticket 45 days in advance and the price is not too bad.  Average fairs to Ukraine run from $2,300 and as low as $1,400 US dollars with advance purchase.  The three stops, Los Angeles to Boston, change planes, another plane change in Germany and the last plane change in Austria, then onto Kiev and into the arms of one of the most beautiful women on the planet.  This is getting exciting.

I start to worry.  Do I bring gifts?  Do I bring food items?  Will they feed me on the plane?   I am traveling economy international and I discover they feed you on these flights.  The airlines must feel it gives passengers and their staff something to do for 10-12 hours.  Long transatlantic and transcontinental flights are a killer on the human body.  Most of these buses with wings hold in excess of 400 passengers. This is a massive amount human flesh flying through the air at an elevation of 39,000 feet at speeds in excess of 500 miles/hour eating pasta or chicken and digesting.  What else would they have us do while crammed into a tiny seat nose to nose but eat.  You, your seat and the people you are sharing the cramped isle have to get entirely too friendly.  I decide to wing it.

“At the Airport”

At the airport, after going through security, I look around and can not help but wonder if any of these people I will be sharing my plane rides with are going to the same destination.  Are any of them Russians or Ukrainians?   I had not a clue weather any of them were from Arizona or Uzbekistan, but as I waited in the boarding area, I did notice a few things about the people.  People about to climb aboard a marvel of engineering with the ability to take all of these people smoothly to their destination flies.  Now more than ever before, I noticed the majority of people dress as if they were going to lie on a couch and eat a bag of potato chips instead board a plane.  I am not talking about the business class people, but even they are starting to dress down for comfort.  It appears to be a compromise in appearance for comfort.   Maybe it’s me, but personal appearance and hygiene look to be on the decline in our society.  I am in line to board the plane when I notice a large woman, about 20 people in front of me.  I spot her sneaking a sniff under her arm, as she makes a " it’s not working face".  Wouldn’t it be nice if the FAA enforced some kind of “flying deodorant”,  personal hygiene standard, or, at least provide some type of good neighbor protection to passengers? 

I remember my first pane flights in the 60’s.  My mother made sure my hair was neatly combed and dressed me smartly.  The men wore suits and ties.   Woman looked great in skirts hair neat and clean.  No saggy pants, sandals and,  overall un-kept appearance degrading the flying experience today.  There should be a dress code.

Walking down center of the plane glancing at the seat markers and realize; contrary to what I was told at the check-in counter, my B seat assignment puts me in a center seat fighting for an armrest.  I start to pray; Oh Lord, “please don’t make it a fat guy.”  I arrive at my designated isle to find the isle seat was supposed to be mine, is occupied by a large person, not sure it is a male or female yet, facial hair and all.  "Holly cow" I whisper,  then in my mind, "not the same armpit smelling woman from the line".   It was her, the same woman, big one with her head tilted back, eyes closed, ear-buds in, and mouth hanging open.  I started to sweat immediately and smell something?  Then I notice the extended seat belt.  I put my luggage in the overhead and her eyes open.  How are you I utter.

“There are a few things in life when you here them you say to yourself OMG or WTF.”

Three hours into the flight the food arrives, not a good thing.  After watching her balance her tray on her belly, remarking at her dexterity, she looks at her in-flight meal and utters “Mmm, me an beans just don’t get along”.  Now, I cannot really stomach another bite of my tasty meal.   I get an awful feeling of claustrophobia.  Cramped in my seat by this woman to my left and the man in a sleeveless t-shirt and baseball cap on backwards to my right, I just try to close my eyes and pretend I am somewhere else.  Then I hear, “You gonna eat that?”  True story, unless you hear this comment coming from a very quiet, very cute 5 year old with an adorable disposition, you have to say to yourself and maybe to the person whom asked,  “What is that supposed to mean”?   Why, why would they serve beans on a plane?  This has got to be some airline chef’s sick sense of humor?  I neurotically keep checking her feeding tray.  Five minutes pass and I think, she’s been a good girl.  The beans are still there.  Her arms are folded across her abdomen holding the tray.  Her head is back with eyes closed.  I can rest easy and I close my eyes again and picture my lovely Ukrainian woman for what seemed like only a few seconds.  I open them and I my heart drops.  The beans are gone.  The feeding tray is empty.  I look at my plate.   My beans are not there either.  I say to myself, Oh My God!  She ate them!

She neither denies nor confirms.  I look around desperately but the plane is packed tighter than a virgin on prom night.  Sadly, there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and nowhere to retreat.  I look at my watch,  there is 6 more hours left in the flight and another feeding.

More Johnny Lightning Sample

         EXT. UNDER THE TRAIN TRESTLE - NIGHT.

               PETER open's his eyes, it is dark.  Scared, he immediately
               gets up and runs.  



               INT. CARNEY LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

               PETER opens the screen door and walks into the living room. 
               MILDRED is all the way in the bag (drunk) smoking a
               cigarette.  



               PETER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE COFFEE TABLE

               Peter does not look at his mother.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY
                         Where have you been?

                                   PETER
                         I ran away.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY
                         Yeah.... We figured that.... We saw
                         your window open.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         If I were you, I'd go back to where
                         ever you came from.... Cause, your
                         dad and Mr. Charty are out looking
                         for you... And when they find
                         you... Ohhh you're gonna get it.

               PETER turns and runs out the screen door.



               CARNEY FAMILY HOUSE FRONT PORCH.

               PETER reaches the last step when two Cadilacs pull up in
               front of the house.  Gene in his and MR. Charty in the other.  

               GENE AND MR. CHARTY jump out of their cars. 

               PETER turns and runs back up the steps.

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Hey, Hey, Hey... You... Wait right
                         there.

               Peter darts into the house. 



               INSIDE THE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM

               PETER hide in the closet under the stairs. 



               INSIDE THE CLOSET
               Various clothes hang and other closet items on the floor.
               PETER scoots his way back deep into the recesses.



               GENE ENTERS THE HOUSE WITH MR CHARTY. 



               CARNEY HOUSE LIVING ROOM

               MILDRED motions to the closet.  

               GENE opens the closet door and grabs at Peter unsuccessfully.  
               Gene is too big and Peter is too deep into the angular under
               stairway closet.  

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         Get out here. 

               GENE swats at Peter.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         Get out here now...

               GENE stops grouping.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         ... Do you have any idea of how we
                         have worried.  Mr. Charty and I
                         have been everywhere looking for
                         you.

               GENE gets down on his knees and looks Peter in the eyes.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                          Now "P"... Come out now.

               PETER starts out of the closet.  

               GENE grabs him by the arm and pulls him the rest of the way. 

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         Oh my son.... What were you
                         thinking?

               Mr. Charty looks at barely coherent Mildred swaying on the
               couch.  

                                   MR. CHARTY
                         Peter, I will personally kick your
                         butt if you ever scare us like that
                         again.  Your father has given me
                         permission.  You're not allowed to
                         run away young man.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (THROUGH HER
                                   CIGARETTE),
                         (Slurring her words), You should
                         take something away.

               GENE looks at his wife. 

               He puts his hand on PETER's back.

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Let's go son.... We're gonna go get
                         something to eat with Mr Charty.

               The Three of them exit through the front door.

               The screen slams. 

               MILDRED flicks her ash in the ash try, exhales a big puff
               smoke and takes a sip of her drink.



               INT. GENE'S CADILAC, FRONT OF CARNEY HOUSE - NIGHT

               GENE Starts the car.  Mr. Charty sits in front and Peter is
               in the back seat. 

               PETER opens his door and quickly jumps out.

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Pete..?

                                   PETER
                         Just a second dad... I forgot
                         something.

               PETER runs across the front lawn and up the porch steps. 



               PETER STANDING IN FRONT MILDRED
               The coffee table sits between Peter and his mother.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY
                         What do you want?

               PETER lifts his face and their eyes meet.

                                   PETER
                         I wish you were dead.

               PETER turns and walks out the front door.  The screen door
               slams.

                                                                CUT TO:



               EXT. FRONT OF CARNEY FAMILY HOUSE - NIGHT

               GENE, PETER and MR. CHARTY arrive, exit the Gene's Cadilac
               and walk to their respective houses. 

               GENE and PETER walk up the front steps and onto the porch.

                                   MR. CHARTY
                         Your a good boy Peter.

                                   PETER
                         Good night Mr. Charty.

               PETER and his father walk house.



               INSIDE, LIVING ROOM

               MILDRED is laying on the couch.  A large bloody gash is on
               her forehead.  She is passed out.  They wake her.

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Mildred, Mildred..... Your
                         bleeding.... What happened?

               Mildred stirs, opens her eyes halfway.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (SLURING)
                         I think I... I Slipped... In the
                         kitchen.  

               MILDRED touches her forehead.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         I think I hit my head.



               CARNEY KITCHEN

               GENE CARNEY walks into the kitchen and inspects the kitchen
               table.  Blood is on one corner of the table and the floor
               below.  



               LIVING ROOM

               PETER stares at his mother's forehead. 

               GENE enters living room.

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Get up... 

               Mildred does not respond.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         I said get up... Get your things...
                         We're going to the hospital.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY
                         No... I'm not going.... I am fine.

               MILDRED opens her eyes for a moment and then closes them.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         I am not going anywhere. 

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         You are not fine.

                                   MILDRED CARNEY (SCREAMING)
                         I'm not going anywhere and that's
                         final!

                                                                CUT TO:



               INT. PETER'S BEDROOM. MORNING
               Peter's bedroom when he was 11 has a mother's influence.  No
               posters, and no animal trophies.  A very clean plain room
               with blue lined wall paper, empty top of dresser, night
               stands and two twin beds.  



               PETER IN HIS BED

               PETER opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling.  He swings
               the blankets off of him and stands, discovers his mother
               sleeping in the twin bed next to his.
               Mildred's head wound has a small bandage.  



               MILDRED'S FACE

               Mildred is extremely pale with blue lips.  

               PETER touches her cheek with and immediately withdraws his
               hand.



               PETER'S TORSO

                                   PETE (SCREAMS)
                         Dad... Daaad!

               PETER breathes like he is having an asthma attack.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK:

Johnny Lightning Screenplay Sample

               OPENING IMAGE

               THE CLACK OF A PROJECTOR STARTS.
           
               BLACK AND WHITE SUPER 8 MM HOME MOVIE BEGINS

               Cheering parents yell encouragements to their boys.

               EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD GRASS FIELD - DAY

               The year is 1964 Peter Carney, 11, is dressed in Youth
               football gear running down the chalked field during a game.
               The image shakes as it focuses on Peter wearing number 00.

               GENE CARNEY, Peter's father is yelling.

                                   GENE CARNEY(V.O.)(FILMING)
                         Let's go double O ... Run Peter,
                         Run.

               Music plays introduction instrumental to James Bond.

               FILM STRIPS GROWS TO FULL SCREEN

               Peter, still running, he is on defense.  He is shorter but
               huskier than the rest of the boys. The opposing team is
               running the ball right at Peter.  Brian Studnicky,(STUDS),
               number 20, is the ball carrier.

                                                        SERIES OF CUTS:

               PARENTS ON THE SIDELINE YELLING

               BARRY STUDNICKY'S FACE

               Barry Studnicky, Stud's father, dressed in a police chief
               uniform, yells for his son.

                                   BARRY STUDNICKY
                         Run Studs... Go, Go, Run, Yeah.

               BACK ON THE FIELD

               STUDS cuts toward Big Kid and PETER goes to tackle.

               BIG Kid, a enormously large, fat kid with big silver braces,
               who's face oozes from his face mask is standing a few feet
               from Peter.

               GENE STANDING ON THE SIDELINE FILMING

                                   GENE CARNEY
                          Let's Go "P".

               SIDELINE, PARENTS TAKE NOTICE OF GENE

               BACK ON THE FIELD

               BIG KID, comes up on Peter's blind side.

               BIG KID'S FAT OOZING BRACED FACE GROWLING

               STUDS RUNNING, CUTTING

               ON THE FIELD

               PETER runs into Big Kid who cracks Peter out of the play.

               GENE CARNEY

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         Oh...(wincing)

               BACK ON THE FILED

               PETER flies and lands helmet first.  The parents momentarily
               hush, then continue to cheer.

               Music fades.

               STUDS runs by untouched.

               GENE CARNEY

               GENE Takes the 8 mm camera from his eye leaving a ring.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         ... That one's gonna smart.

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)(JERSEY ACCENT)
                         I liked football, but I didn't like
                         playing.  My dad always supported
                         me but he wouldn't let me quit.

               PETER FACE DOWN ON THE FIELD

               GENE ON THE SIDELINE

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         Get up Carney... Come on Peter...
                         You're hungry... Make your move.

               BACK ON THE FIELD

               PETER, dazed, lifts his head out of a divot.  With a tuft of
               grass stuck in his face mask.

                                                               FADE TO:

               INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

               PETER sits at a desk in his 6th grade class. 6TH GRADE TEACHER
               hands a clean piece of paper to each student.

                                   6TH GRADE TEACHER
                         I want you all to write your full
                         name in the top right corner of the
                         paper before we begin.

               PETER writes his name.

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)
                         I hated my name growing up. It is
                         so important to have a good name.
                         Peter just wasn't cool like Bobby
                         or Billy.


               TOP OF PETER'S PAPER

               PETER writes: Peter J. Carney, then crosses through it.  Then
               he writes, John Peter Carney, then crosses through that one.
               Then he writes Jonathan P. Carney and crosses through it a
               third time.

               Finally he writes: Carney, Johnny P.

               DICK raises his hand.

                                   6TH GRADE TEACHER
                         Yes Dick?

               THE CLASS

               Class chuckles.

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. 6TH GRADE CLASS, AFTER SCHOOL - DAY

               GENE stands before Peter's teacher with Peter by his side.
               6TH GRADE TEACHER looks perturbed and hands Peter's paper with the
               various names written along the top to Gene.  GENE reads the
               names to himself then looks at Peter.

                                   GENE CARNEY (TO TEACHER)
                         Well... He's not a bad boy...

               He puts his arm about his son's head and shoulders and pulls
               him close.

                                   GENE CARNEY(CONT'D)
                         ..He might be a little confused...
                         But, Essentially, those are his
                         names.

               GENE and PETER turn and walk out.  As they are walking
               through the doorway, PETER turns to the teacher and gives her
               "That Smile"
                                                              CUT BACK:

               EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD GRASS FIELD - DAY

               The whistle blows.

               PETER marches toward his father.

               The sounds of the game and sideline parents fade as Peter
               approaches his Dad.


               PETER AND GENE ON THE SIDELINE

               GENE, reaches out and crabs Peter by the face mask.  Their
               eyes meet.

               PETER'S FACE THOUGH HIS DIRTY FACE MASK

                                   GENE CARNEY
                         "Johnny P" Get back out there and
                         show em "Johnny P"...

               PETER looks up at his father with eyes that say I'm done.

               PETER AND GENE

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         Listen Peter... Carneys don't
                         quit..... You don't stop until the
                         whistle blows... You got it!

               PETER nods affirmative.

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         You'll quit when the game is over.
                         And "WE" never let our team mates
                         down.

               GENE turns his son around and kicks him in the rear.

               GENE AND THE SIDELINE

                                   GENE CARNEY (CONT'D)
                         (Yelling) Keep your eyes open.

               PETER runs back onto the field.

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)
                         He would say that I needed to do
                         other things in my life besides
                         school work to make me more
                         rounded.

               PETER LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER THROUGH FACE MASK

               BACK ON THE FIELD

               PETER, Looking behind, runs into his team mate number 55,
               BOANNA.

               BOANNA laughs and pulls the grass out of Peter's face mask.
               PETER points at Big Kid.

                                   GENE CARNEY (YELLING)
                         Let's Go... For God's sake, use
                         your head.

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)
                         And so... I kept playing.

               James Bond music starts to play again.

               Another play and PETER rushes the pass but cannot get around
               BIG KID.

               The ball is thrown.

               BIG KID STOPS TO WATCH THE BALL'S FLIGHT

               THE FIELD

               BOANNA gets on his hands and knees behind Big Kid.  PETER
               gets a running start and sticks his head into Big Kid's chest
               and his fist up under Big Kid's face mask sending him over
               the back of BOANNA. 

               REFEREE BLOWING THE WHISTLE

               THE FIELD

               PETER and BOANNA get up quickly and together turn their backs
               to Big Kid and walk away.

               BIG KID gets to his feet with arms flailing in protest trying
               to retaliate against Pete and Boanna.

               The unaware REFEREE steps in and scolds only BIG KID, then
               signals for Big Kid to be ejected.

               Music fades

               GENE SHAKING HIS HEAD

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)
                         I played until.... One day...

               THE SIDELINE

               BARRY STUDNICKY walks by Gene and slaps him on the back.

                                   BARRY STUDNICKY
                         I guess they say if they're not
                         cheating, they're not trying.

               GENE watches his son on the field.

                                   OLD PETE(V.O.)
                         That's when my father finally
                         supported my decision to quit and
                         let me do other things....

               BOANNA and PETER bump helmets.

                                   OLD PETE (V.O.)
                         Oh by the way, this is a true life
                         story.... Well, almost true.

Brown Eyed Girl

-->

Brown Eyed Girl

In the beginning there were two beacons of brownness starring right through him knowing every inch of his body and the composition of his soul.  Dark brown eyes that engineered comfort and confidence and commanded other influences filling his life with purpose.  They were deep dark pools of liquid brown, always recognizable, always watching, always there.  Big brown eyes,  not just any brown, but a dark fluid unable to reveal it’s true color.  Deep, dark, crisp, clean, liquid coffee brown; a brown so virile it must be spilled to actually experience it’s rich, full body and pure soul.  A color most would easily mistake for black.  Starring into the two orbs of brown was calming and playful with a hint of the unknown.  They created smiles, and had all he needed to create a world.   They were never tiring and he never lost desire to gaze into them until one day.   

Glancing into the familiar pools of brown he saw something unfamiliar.  Before he knew what happen, he was commanded to look into them and not look away.  His eyes were locked into them and he could feel himself leave his body.  With his eyes tired of the fix and faltering, he tried to look away.  He was forced to look into them again.  He tried to regain himself, but words brutally pelted his innocence.  Shame, guilt and confusion all tensed up around him.  His world was shaking him to pieces.  He wanted it to stop.  Tears streamed his face.  He wanted those other familiar eyes back.  His core had been accessed torn out stunned and thrown back inside of him.   He was being forced to stand up and look straight into these new deep dark, scary, stinky eyes.  Little did he know this was only the beginning of a change that would last forever?  Never again would those deep dark pools of wonderful brown look the same to him.  The nurturing and comfort that they always gave suddenly was lost.  He immediately felt different.  He missed them.   He missed “those eyes”, those loving him eyes.  He wondered if they missed him.  He had his first betrayal.  Nothing would ever be the same.  He would never trust again.  Traces of “those eyes” would be seen from time to time.  And just when he thought he might see them again, he was met disappointment.  Instead of “those eyes”, he met stinky ones commandeering another tongue-lashing, another thump and ear grabbed head shaken made to stand stinky brown stare. 

Years passed and those once never forgettable love filled brown eyes were sighted less and less.   Those deep dark brown eyes became fully feared and dangerous.  They always tried to rule him when he glanced at them.  He could never stare into them for very long for that meant the hurting pelting words would come, and come very loudly.  The pelting words eventually turned into leather lashes enraged and fueled by less and less of what he could understand.   He was told that tears were not allowed.  Tears showed weakness.  And so it went; Pain and tears, then pain no tears, then pain hide the tears.   And finally he would hide both his tears and pain, while subconsciously the desire to find and recognize  “those eyes” grew inside of him. 

As he grew older, he would hunt for “those eyes” on the faces of people he met without fully realizing he was searching.  Unaware of what he was looking for, he would see glimpses of them but the resemblance would fade away.   He saw “those eyes” appear in his children, only to disappear and not return.   Searching, he must answer himself, always the same inner monologue of criteria comparing each pair of eyes to “those eyes”; all without understanding an unintentional process was taking place.   Another pair of eyes, and another set of analyzing questions, leaning towards familiar insight.  He made choices, commitments, and created compromised relationships.   He subconsciously began to think he would never find “those eyes” that he so loved ever again.  This tormenting search and his inner love hate turmoil must end.  His quest for those brown eyes had to be put to rest and that was just the way it must be.

One day, without searching and when he least expected it, there they were.   Those same two pools of liquid coffee were staring right back at him.  The same deep dark eyes of understanding and power that had control over him for the first two decades of his life, but this time they were worn on a different face.  These eyes seemed even more powerful, had more darkness, more mysterious, but every bit as brown.  Mesmerized by them as they stared back at him for hours on end saying not a word but conveying their desire and amusement.  “Those eyes” were back.  His heart raced and when he walked he no longer pounded the earth, and, for the first time in many years he felt lighter.   In the crevices of his mind the gates that concealed emotion began to open.   Energy flowed out of his body.  Caged pains knocked softly then opened their doors and drifted silently away. 

Overwhelmed with his discovery, he had forgotten the first lesson  “those eyes” had taught him so many years ago; and, he began to trust again.  Time past quickly and all was well, until the day came when he happened to look up while hearing words resembling the pelting words.   He caught a glimpse of something familiar that shook his core once again.  He saw a flash of deep, dark, scary, stinky brown on this new face.  It was a brown he knew all to well and a brown he both loved and hated.  The brown he searched for in the eyes of every brown-eyed girl he encountered.  In that instant, he transformed coolly and silently.  He realized whose eyes he had searched and why.  Instead of allowing the old pain to steal its way back into his being, he calmly greeted his recognizable fear with a new perception.   He understood why he both hated and loved that deep dark color of brown.  “Those eyes”, those brown eyes represented to him his own power and the weaknesses that he had overcome. 

Moral:  When you come across a beautiful brown-eyed girl who can stare into your soul giving you butterflies, and turning you into a cloud walker; stop and beware as every cloud has a stinky eye.

The Cat Came Back .....

INT. RESTAURANT. DAY

               SARAH and MIKEY are sitting at a table that has a white table
               cloth and they are facing each other. A very flamboyantly gay
               Waiter named BENNARD stands next to the table dressed in a
               white apron and bow tie ready to hear their order as he takes
               the menu from SARAH.  MIKEY reads from his menu.

                                   BENNARD
                         Thank you my lady and what will the
                         gentleman like.

               SARAH pointing to the name tag that says Bennard on his
               lapel.

                                   SARAH
                         Bennard... right?

               Leaning down close to SARAH and in a low voice. 

                                   BENNARD
                         Yes... but.... my friends call me
                         The Boneyard!

                                   SARAH
                         Get out Bennard.... Oh Bennard you
                         smell great.... Mickey smell him.

                                   MIKEY
                         Do I have too?

               Bennard leans down to let her smell him again then over to
               MIKEY.  Mikey hesitantly smells BENNARD's neck.  BENNARD
               whispers.

                                   BENNARD (IN MIKEY'S EAR)
                         It's my penis.

               BENNARD giggles.

                                   MIKEY
                         That's not right....

                                   SARAH
                         What's not right.

                                   MIKEY
                         Never mind....

                                   MIKEY (CONT'D)
                         Ill have the 20 oz rib eye steak
                         .... Bone in ...... Medium
                         rare...Did I just say that?.....
                         and a coke.

               MIKEY closes his menu and starts to hand it to BENNARD.

                                   BENNARD (FLUSTERED)
                         Well of course you
                         will.....Excellent choice sir....
                         Bone in is the only way.... And
                         what would the gentleman like on
                         his potato. 
                          

                                   MIKEY (SHAKING HIS HEAD)
                         Nothing...... I don't eat
                         potatoes..... In fact please leave
                         it off my plate...

               BENNARD not convinced nods affirmatively.

                                   SARAH
                         Salad.... Salad get a salad..... 

                                   MIKEY
                         I'll just eat some of yours.. no
                         wait do you have clam chowder?.....

               MIKEY opens the menu again then lowers it to look at Sarah
               shaking her head.... Then Closes the menu again.

                                   MIKEY (CONT'D)
                         Chowder's got vegetables?...

                                   SARAH
                         There are potatoes in chowder...

                                   MIKEY
                         Baby steps for you.... All for you
                         sweetheart....

               SARAH looks at MIKEY very sternly and shaking her head....
               Bennard looks at SARAH shaking her head.... Then he looks at
               MIKEY.... MIKEY looks at BENNARD then looks at SARAH..... And
               shakes his head.

                                   BENNARD
                         I am sorry to inform the gentleman
                         that we do not have any type of
                         chowder this evening..... 

                                   MIKEY 
                         What kind'a salads do ya got?

                                   BENNARD
                         Another excellent decision sir....

               MIKEY opens his menu again and the BENNARD steps behind Mikey
               and points at the menu with his laser pointer.  



               THE POINTER APPEARS ON THE MENU AS A LITTLE PINK TONGUE. 

               The pointer points to the tossed house salad but the tongue
               bounces the pointer on the word t o s s e d.  MIKEY looks
               over his shoulder at the BENNARD and raises an eyebrow.

                                   MIKEY
                         Looks good, Ok Boneyard.....I will
                         have your..... HOUSE salad.

               MIKEY closes the menu..... And starts to hand the menu to
               Bennard....

                                   BENNARD
                         Again an excellent choice sir, and
                         what dressing would you have us
                         drizzle on your tossed salad?

                                   SARAH
                         What about a vegetable?

                                   MIKEY
                         Oh my god Sarah.... Salad is full
                         of vegetables....

               SARAH starts to shake her head again.  MIKEY looks at SARAH
               and starts to shake his head slowly also then looks at
               Bennard.  MIKEY opens the menu.

                                   BENNARD 
                         May I suggest to the gentleman the
                         creamed spinach?

               MIKEY swallows hard as the Bennard pulls out his laser
               pointer, steps behind Mikey and aims at the menu over MIKEY's
               shoulder.



               CLOSE-UP OF THE MENU WITH THE BENNARD'S LASER NOW POINTING
               WITH A HAPPY FACE IMAGE POINTING AT THE PEPPERCORN SAUCE
               LISTED ON THE MENU INSTEAD OF SPINACH.

               MIKEY points with his finger to the peppercorn sauce, looking
               at BENNARD.  BENNARD looks at MIKEY and starts to nod
               affirmatively.

                                   MIKEY
                         Humm, yeah..... Ok, I'll have that
                         one...

                                   BENNARD
                         Nicely done sir...... Might I add
                         it is our top seller and excellent
                         with beef.

               SARAH smiles and starts to shake her head affirmatively and
               so does MIKEY.

                                   BENNARD (CONT'D)
                         May I congratulate the gentleman on
                         exceptional decisions.

               BENNARD takes the menu from MIKEY replaces the pointer to his
               pocket and trots off. Mikey leans across the table to Sarah. 

                                   MIKEY
                         How'd I do?

                                   SARAH
                         Well.... He was impressed..

Malibu wild flowers